Everyday Reboot #26 – Unrecognisable

Communication is a weird and wonderful phenomenon. It is how we each express ideas from a to b, from one person to the next, be that verbal, written, musical, sign language, body language, communication is a vast part of our everyday life that is often taken for granted.

Recently the act of communication has got me thinking, I suppose it always does when there has been a breakdown of communication between two parties. But this has been different, kind of strange, but more common than I think. My breakdown of communication has been with myself.

I have been a carer for over five years, a teacher before that, a customer service worker, a retail assistant. My employment history has an underlying foundation of caring for people, communicating with people and ultimately putting other people ahead of myself.

That is all well and good, I do like to help people. I want a person to be able to come to me with any problem. If it is in my power I like to either help or signpost to a relevant person or service that is better equipped to deal with it. I look around and I know that not everyone thinks like that, and that is fine. I have always taken the stance of freedom of choice, I am free to help people and the next person is free to choose to help or not help also.

However, when you do help other people you can negate the one person that needs your help above all, yourself. I am not proud to admit it, but I have not taken care of myself properly. I had gotten myself into awful physical shape. I have made a change and lost a couple of pounds shy of 100 since November. Many of my friends and family have been really proud of my achievement, which I find bittersweet. It is an achievement, no doubt. But, I should have not myself into that state in the first place.

Now I have started to help myself, I have become increasingly unrecognisable to myself. It has been strange because I am a highly analytical and self-reflective person. However, what I have come to realise is that I knew who I was, not who I am now.

I have changed, I have become more proactive, more willing to take a chance, to take a risk. I am more determined than I have ever been, more willing to set a target and smash it. I no longer listen or have time for excuses, especially my own.

These last few weeks I have been trying to get in touch with who I am now, people change, evolve and why should I be no different? I have things I want to do in life, places to go, people to see. The Adam of 12 months ago would have thought all this impossible. But the Adam who sits behind his keyboard typing this sees chances and opportunities that only he can grasp.

I have to get to know this version of myself, I am still surprising myself. There is a big wide world out there and it is time for me to make my mark on it.

Till the next reboot…

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