You order something online, you confirm your payment, click and you wait. You get an e-mail instantly confirming your order and when it is going to be delivered to your house. My calendar on my phone is automatically updated to remind me that I have a package arriving. Technology is marvellous, I don’t need to worry about this, it has me covered.
The morning of the delivery I awake to an alarm reminding me that today is the day that my package will arrive. Clear the calendar, my appointments, my daily tasks I have to wait for this delivery and it is going to take every ounce of concentration for me to get this over the line.
Should I even get dressed?
Nah. What if you are halfway through having a shower when the knock on the door arrives. Caught short, trying to make it to the door whilst putting on clothes, I could trip and fall down the stairs, injure myself at best, kill myself at worst.
It’s best if I go downstairs and wait for the post to arrive, in my nightwear whilst watching TV on the couch. Lazy? This isn’t me being lazy at all. By locating myself on the couch in front of the TV, I’ll be able to see the postman/woman out of the living room window as they walk down the path and hear if they knock on the door.
I turn the TV on, morning TV is the worst. What happened to Jeremy Kyle? Who is this Judge Rinder? It doesn’t matter, it is all the same low common denominator, reality nonsense that if I watch for more than 30 seconds hooks me instantly.
Uh Oh, I feel like I need to urinate. If I go to the toilet now I may miss the post. Should I go? It is starting to hurt a bit like I really need to go. I decide to watch Judge Rinder for another 10 minutes, and then it dawned on me I could have gone then, the post hasn’t been in these last 10 minutes.
I run up the stairs and do the business as fast as I can, shake and flush. There is no time to wash my hands the post is due any minute. I run back downstairs have a lookup and down the street to see if there has been any sign, but the post is nowhere to be seen.
I resume my position in front of the television as the This Morning theme echoes around the room. Is there anything worse than This Morning? Hell really is a place on Earth with this type of programming.
After 30 seconds, I am instantly hooked and I am humming the This Morning theme tune. I now want to see the boy who has 4 arms and if Eamon Holmes has gone vegan for a week while his wife plays agony aunt to some of the most hopeless cases of humanity I have ever witnessed.
Time marches on and I notice my Uncle walk up the path. I go and open the door and ask him;
“Have you seen the post?”
He shakes his head and walks past me. I shut the front door and see it on the mat. I can not believe my eyes. A piece of red card stating that I had indeed missed the post. I turn to my Uncle and tell him that I have been waiting right here all morning for this, I couldn’t have missed it.
But I did miss it. This is a case of ghost post which has resulted in a wasted morning. Now I am arranging for the post office to redeliver my package so I can have another morning relaxing, I mean, waiting patiently for the post to arrive.
Till the next reboot…